We recently received a comment on one of our posts from a self confessed smoking fetishist. We are aware that we have quite a few followers from the smoking fetish scene. The recent comment spurred some conversation in our household about smoking as a fetish so we are going to reprint the comment and give our views on it below. Just a little warning first; because of the nature of this topic we shall of course be speaking about sex as well as smoking. If you are not comfortable with frank discussion of sexual matters, now would be a good point to skip the rest of this post.
From somebody who will remain anonymous…. “I’m a secret smoker and a particular smoking fetishist who keeps both parts to myself. For me, it’s one way (of many) to feel closer to certain women I’ve known who smoke. It’s exciting to me to share this with them, even if they don’t know about it. It’s a way to actualize my attraction by sharing their addiction and, thus, their feelings, even the health consequences (especially the thought of developing a similar smoker’s cough that they have). It’s a secret because of my “official” identity as a health oriented person (cycling, food, etc.). I wish that those smoking women I’ve been attracted to would somehow sense this and offer me a cigarette, sharing this together though still secretly, at least to the world at large. As an offshoot, it’s the thought that they’d want me and my lungs to be “corrupted” by them, like they are, that at least partially keeps the excitement going.”
There is actually rather a lot to unpack there. Firstly all three of us who write this blog are smoking fetishists ourselves to some degree so we do not mean to be or to sound judgemental. We do have some observations and perhaps advice related to the above comments however, some of which may sound a bit critical, so we will get those things out of the way first. To begin with it is completely normal to be attracted to people you don’t know very well and to harbour erotic feelings for them. That is human and we all do it. However there are two dangers in the secrecy aspect of this. The first danger is that by keeping such things completely secret it remains a fantasy which is doomed never to be a reality. Our advice is if you “fancy” a person who smokes, overcome your shyness or misgivings and try to actually get to know them. The fact that you both smoke could be a link to something real rather than an imaginary connection. Take it from us, kissing somebody who shares your fetish is much more satisfying than just dreaming about it! The second danger of secretly fantasising about somebody because you are attracted by their smoking is that your mind can play tricks and convince you that you have a real connection with that person which is not in fact true and this can be the first step in actually stalking somebody. The three of us would deal with stalkers as harshly as the law allows and perhaps even more harshly.
With those caveats out of the way let’s look at some of the sexual and psychological implications of the smoking fetish highlighted in the comment above. One of the most basic but profound aspects of the smoking fetish is the idea of sharing; of sharing the forbidden pleasure, the habit and the addiction of somebody who smokes. Perhaps equally there is the idea that you are sharing something which is forbidden, bad or taboo. And, as mentioned in the comment, there is the idea of corruption.
The idea of sharing is common to many forms of fetish; particularly when sharing an interest in something which is seen as taboo or just unusual. If you happen for no particular reason to be sexually turned on by people wearing rubber and then you meet a sexually compatible person who shares that particular kink, well, bingo! Happy you! The same if you happen to be turned on by smelly feet, urination, or wearing funny hats in bed! If you find someone who shares your unique sexual tastes it is a joy that adds spice to your sexual practices. Nothing wrong with that, and smoking can be one of those common things. In comparison to some fetishes we are aware of, smoking is rather normal and innocent!
But smoking is not seen as innocent. Smoking is seen as something only adults can do and moreover smoking is more and more seen as a bad habit that adults have, something that is both unhealthy and deviant. The fact that nicotine is addictive only adds to the idea that smokers are “corrupt”; that they have given themselves over to something bad which is beyond their control. And they don’t seem to care. Perhaps then the fact that some smokers develop a cough, or have nicotine stained fingers or just a deeper voice is physical evidence of that corruption which some people find sexy.
And what if in all other respects the smoker looks young, fit, healthy, perhaps sophisticated, perhaps even quite innocent? We think it is those two conflicting ideas that can make smokers look and “be” very sexy.
Apart from smoking itself the three of us in our family have several beliefs in common. One of them is a different idea about the concept of corruption. Another is that we are hedonists. We do not consider ourselves to be bad people. We don’t steal. We wouldn’t hurt or kill other people except to protect ourselves or in justified revenge. But we do indulge in all things that bring us sensual pleasure, and some of those pleasurable things such as smoking are seen as bad or corrupt by others. When our daughter Tina started smoking we did not hold up our hands in horror that she had somehow been corrupted by some unseen force. Rather we were quite pleased that she was turning away from childhood innocence and discovering some of the pleasures and pitfalls of being an adult. Her smoking could have been an experimental phase that many adolescents go through, but it wasn’t. She is now nearly seventeen and smoking is as natural to her as breathing air. She is a nicotine addict. But it is an addiction she has chosen. It is in many ways symbolic of the person she chooses to be in her adult life. Some people may not understand that. Some people may be appalled. Those who have a smoking fetish maybe both understanding and appalled, but because of that, find the idea sexy.
So perhaps as the writer of the quoted comment suggests, Sophie and I are smoking fetishists by virtue of the fact that we take some kind of pleasure from the fact that our daughters lungs are as corrupted as our own. But actually I think it is more to do with the fact that we value our daughter’s developing independence and maturity. At the end of the day being an intelligent and independent adult is always the most sexy thing there is.
Sophie and I have both had relationships with men who had smoking fetishes. When it happened to me I think it gave me a bit of an ego/power trip to know I could make my boyfriend cum just by inhaling or exhaling in a certain way. But the fact is the fetish is infectious. Now I sometimes get turned on by men or women smoking in a way I find sexy. Sophie is the same.
And are we supposed to feel ashamed of that? Our society is so confused about sex in general that almost everything about it is seen as taboo in many situations. Then smoking itself has become more and more taboo in its own right. Put the two together and you have a volatile mix.
I think some smoking fetishists have got the psychology wrong. Smokers are not generally morally corrupt. They are simply people who are less afraid of death and less afraid to live fully. That is a powerfully sexy mixture which I hope all three of us have.